so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
