Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
