I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
