After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
