my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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