his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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