i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
