So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
