found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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