Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
