i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
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he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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