You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
