In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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