I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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