Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize