from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
