I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
