LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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