I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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