i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
