it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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