Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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