I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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