you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
