More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
