hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
