Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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