Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
