He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
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I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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