Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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