WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
home. puking in laundry basket.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
