Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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