This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
