i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
