Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
