Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize