we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
