my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
