I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
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My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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