omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
