Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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