dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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