I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize