Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
