i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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