I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
