oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
