I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
