Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
