Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
whose parrot is this?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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