so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
