I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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