Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
operation harelip BJ is a go
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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