i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
