help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i came on her dog
My ATM looks so different sober.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
