I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
