the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
