can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
