They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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