my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
