I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
