OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
