I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
