if you like me you must not know who I am
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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