I faked an abortion last night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
