Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
