I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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