We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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