I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
