According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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