Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
