Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
