people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
