Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
and you fell through a lawn chair
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
