So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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