I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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