Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
